Tuesday, September 30, 2014

life terrors

The Boy was frozen in terror. 

He had fallen. 

In that second all he knew was that he had fallen, like his Daddy, and he wondered if he too would be gone in an instant.

Seconds passed and the terror began to ebb, yet he remained perfectly still, waiting. 
....
There was a time I wasn't afraid of anything. After losing him I became terrified of everything. 

Years passed and as the terror begins to ebb, I remain perfectly still, waiting.

Friday, September 26, 2014

in a little while

I'm going to stop

and stretch.


I will breathe deep

and know that everything is going to be ok.


God's timing is never wrong,

sometimes it just takes a little while.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

with this ring

I heard from him today. He said he'd like to have his ring back, that he didn't like not wearing it.

All I said was ok.

I couldn't help but wonder if he only wanted it back to throw at me. Perhaps leaving it in the mailbox wasn't enough. 

All women are whores. We give ourselves away for love. Damn shame when you give yourself to a man who doesn't want you. 

We long for that innocence again.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

forgiveness

Somehow his inability, or unwillingness, to forgive me allowed me to finally forgive myself. 

Saturday, September 6, 2014

void

When you have someone who is as emotionally unavailable and emotionally absent as he is, it's amazing how small the void is when he's physically gone.

I find that very sad. 

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

polka dots and daisies

You can have the life you want.

You get the life you build.

Polka dots and daisies are a pretty solid foundation.
........