Tuesday, November 16, 2010

facing fear

Wow, I just realized how long it had been since I posted. I've gotten really slack with this thing!

Perhaps I just needed to be nudged by the accumulation of thoughts that are now bursting at the seams of my mind.

Today's prevailing thoughts involve my work with EMS.

I knew this job would be a challenge. I knew there would be the shifts that would challenge my sensibilities and ability to shoulder the sorrow of the patients I care for and their families. I knew there would be calls that would force me to think on my feet and not rely so heavily on everything the books tell you. I knew I would be placed in situations that would challenge my physical strength and abilities.

What I didn't realize, and probably should have, is that this job also constantly challenges me to overcome my fears.

Afraid of the dark? Big deal, get over it. The power is out and your patient is in the farthest back bedroom of the old house that would be creepy even during the day.

Afraid to drive in the snow and ice? Deal with it. The lady having a heart attack on the other side of the county isn't worried about road conditions.

Afraid of spiders? Pssht! Your patient is lying on the ground with a gunshot wound and doesn't even realize the little bastards are crawling all over him.

Afraid of majorly screwing up? How in the hell can you be any good to them if you're frozen in fear?

We all let fear stand in the way of so much in our daily lives. It's amazing how quickly it dissipates when the situation doesn't allow you the time to even think about it.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

job-specific prayers

While you are praying we get there on time, praying we can help your loved one, praying that it's not as bad as it seems, we are saying prayers of our own. Here's the one I tend to start every shift with...

Dear Lord, please go with us today and keep us safe.
Please give me the wisdom to have sound judgment and make good decisions in the best interest of my best patient, my partner and myself.
Please go with me and help me to fulfill my duties with skill and compassion.
And please Lord, let my patients be skinny, and if they can't be skinny, please let the fire department be on scene to help me lift them.

Of course I have a completely separate prayer said when it's necessary to drive at high rates of speed either to the scene or to the hospital. It goes something like this and is set on repeat throughout the trip...

Dear Lord, please help us get there safe, please help us get there on time.
Dear Lord, please don't let me do anything stupid to cause me to wreck this ambulance.
Dear Lord, please don't let anyone else do anything stupid to cause me to wreck this ambulance.
Dear Lord, if this ambulance does wreck please don't let my momma drive by and see it.

Monday, February 1, 2010

pissier and pissier

So one of my favorite bloggers, Kate, let loose with a list of things making her pissy at the moment which has reminded me that every now and then, it's ok to be pissy.

And pissy I have been. And getting pissier by the second.

The husband likes to chalk up my pissiness to the time of the year. He's not lucky enough to have a wife who has PMS, but she is apt to get moody during certain times of the year and he seizes that as a rationalization for her pissy mood so he doesn't have to accept any of the responsibility for said mood.

So here we go...the list inspiring my current state of pissiness:

1) I'm sick of trying to clean this damn house! Correction: I'm sick of trying to clean this damn house while my husband sits on his fat ass in front of the television. I'm sick of cleaning off counters, only so someone can come along twenty minutes later to leave crumbs, trash or open containers of food on the aforementioned freshly scrubbed counter. I'm sick of being the only one who does laundry or cleans the bathroom or even recognizes that these things must be done. I'm sick of people looking warily at me like I'm some sort of irrational bitch for being pissy about the pee on the floor beside the toilet I just cleaned or the sticky mess on the counter I just scrubbed.

2) I'm sick of working 60-80 hours a week when I only work part-time!! I work two part-time jobs for two different departments of local government. Since I'm just a part-time employee, I don't qualify for benefits. So, I'm working my ass off either directly providing health care through one position or helping others figure out ways to get it through another position while I can't go to the fucking doctor because I have no health insurance. I am also sick of the 40 hour a week person in my house failing to realize that I am working so many hours and might need a little help getting things done around the house.

3) I am sick of all these damn animals in my house!!! We already had three dogs and a cat when The Boy got another cat. Then The Husband brought home an abandoned puppy and you can't walk through the damn house without stepping on a tail or being stepped on by a paw. I'm sick of the hair and the noise and all the damned pet supplies cluttering up my house.

4) I am sick of the snow and cold weather. It's currently 25 degrees and we have 8-10 inches of snow on the ground. They're calling for more frozen precipitation on Tuesday and again on Friday. My feet are cold and all this damn snow is wreaking havoc on my appointment book at work.

5) I am sick of being pissy. I'm tired of being in a crappy mood but people just keep pissing me off!