Friday, February 13, 2009

forget the flowers, just don't lick yourself in public

I almost feel sorry for men like my husband on Valentine's Day. The marketing folks really set them up to look like shit.

I mean really, how many guys out there are romantics at heart? Granted, I know there's a few, I've even dated a few, but for the most part, for most men, candles only come out during power outages and flowers are sent when they're trying to get out of the doghouse.

It almost pains me to think of some of these men. They are expected to muster up some romance one day a year and I can't imagine the pressure. Us women have it lucky. We're just expected to don some particularly alluring lingerie and offer up the goods. But the menfolk are expected to wine and dine and romance us...for a lot of the men I know, that's like asking a dog to not lick itself when you have company. It goes against its very nature!

So guys, take it from a woman...this year, don't bother picking up teddy bear from the drug store or spending a fortune on flowers and perfume and candy and cards. Well ok, a card is always a good idea. Trust me guys. Romance can't be bought at the five-and-dime or even at the ritzy jewelery store. If your woman wants romance, and they all do, give it to her straight, in a fashion more in keeping with your nature...make sure you're clean and smell good and the instant you see your lady love on Valentine's Day, pull her face to yours and kiss her like you mean it, like you'd drown without the feel of her lips against yours and then look her right in the eye and ask simply, "have I told you lately how much I love you?" Never take your eyes off hers as you tell her that she is the most beautiful woman in the world and you find her utterly irresistible. Tell her that you thank God every day for her. Tell her all the things you never say when you're vegged out in front of the game, or stressed after a long day of work.

THAT'S romance! THAT'S what your woman wants from you. That teddy bear will end up in a closet somewhere within two weeks and those flowers will wither and crumble. But over the next year, every time she gets annoyed because you haven't taken out the trash or have her on mute so you can hear the game, she will remember those few minutes when you told her exactly how you felt. She'll remember the touch of your hand on her face, the touch of your lips, the look in your eyes when you said those words. And she just might not yell at you for licking yourself next time you have company.


  1. oh your post is brilliant, i especially loved the dog analogy, i can't stop laughing! so true on sooo many levels :)

    Definitly if i had a man in my life i would want that for valentines over anything Hallmarks could sell. They sould teach this stuff to boys in school or something, i think it could possibly bring about world peace :D

    Great Post!

  2. I hope a LOT of men read this post, especially the men I know lol. I can't find a link or button to follow your blog. Any idea why? Thanks for your comment. I used to read those Regency Romances by the billion. Now I can't seem to find any.

  3. As a woman married to a man who wouldn't know traditional romance if I stood in front of him with a sign that said "buy flowers, chocolates and jewelery!" - I find this post more true than you know.

    He has a great gift for doing just what you describe, though, and on V Day I got a home made card and a whispered "thank you for giving me the most amazing gift" in my ear. Who needs chocolate?