Monday, October 8, 2007

make the call

I have often wondered if this endless longing isn't simply a driving need to be closer to God.

And I have pleaded for Him to drive the aching loneliness from my soul.

I'm left with only theories...and all the questions that go with them...

Perhaps I have simply not given enough of myself to Him. If so, how do I give more?

Surely He is not just a comforting thought. If I were to no longer doubt His love for me, would this incessant throbbing cease?

Perhaps I do not pray hard enough or often enough. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong, maybe I'm praying for all the wrong things. Is there a "right" way to pray?

Perhaps I am simply too sinful and have been deemed unworthy. Are any of us truly unworthy of His love? Am I simply being punished in this life so I am not in the next? Am I just a spoiled and selfish child?

2 comments:

  1. whenever i'm really down or having a streak of "bad luck" i usually end up realizing that my spiritual self is out of whack.

    i think the best we can do is the best we can do. i try to do little things to fix my karma, because even if it doesn't forgive me all the sins i've already committed it makes my life at least have some purpose--you can't undo bad but you can balance it out, maybe, with good.

    i know it's a quick fix that doesn't really bring you closer to God but i like to give blood when i feel really really down. that way, you are helping to save a life. a lot of people can't give blood but maybe something similar?

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  2. I don't worry too much about my relationship with God. I think it is enough to just do my best, when I can.

    If I can.

    Sometimes you need to just let yourself off all of the hooks in your head....

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