Monday, October 15, 2007

it may very well be time

It may very well be time for me to take a leave of absence.

It may, in fact, be long overdue.

I started working when I was 16 — slinging burgers in the local drive-thru. When The Boy was a baby, I pulled ten to sixteen hour shifts in a greasy diner, slinging eggs, washing dishes, and wishing my stomach would stop hurting. When he started school I started filing and answering the phones in a doctor's office, and wishing my stomach would stop hurting. A few years, and a hysterectomy, later I landed at the local paper in my hometown. My stomach doesn't hurt at all like it used to, although when I'm tired or stressed, or not feeling well, I can almost feel the old contractions.

I have not been kind to my body — so many sleepless nights, spent worrying, waiting, working, writing. Caffeine, sugar and nicotine getting me through each day. Weeks on end when the simple act of eating seems too much a bother, and a waste of time besides. Did I mention I smoke? And drink heavily on occasion?

And so now I have this whole cancer thing going on. Obviously, the first thing I need to do is make some sweeping changes in my lifestyle — Ugh! I can sense this is going to take a great deal of willpower and that stuff can be so very hard to come by!

In order to prolong, or at least minimize, any sort of further disfiguring surgery, I'm going to have to spend about 12 weeks in absolute misery, my entire crotch in searing flames. I'm really hoping the flu-like symptoms will go away as I get further into the treatment.

Four weeks into the sixteen week course I was done for — too dizzy to focus, my entire body aching, and the ever present flaming twat.

No, I'm sorry, call me a wuss, but I cannot function very well like that and I certainly don't want to be running around town dealing with people.

I've talked to the company's president and the owner's wife about the situation and they agree and are willing to work with me to where I keep most of my salary for the duration while I do a minimal amount of work from home.

It's certainly not as good as sitting off in a cabin in the woods, but at least it can be done now. I suppose it's official, here's my four week (roughly) notice. I will be taking a medical leave of absence and you folks will just have to make sure a paper gets put out each week.

Yes, it may be time indeed.


  1. one of the hardest things to do in the world is to stop kicking yourself in the ass.

    you can do it! yes you can!! you can quit!!


  2. there is no shame in admitting weakness or taking time to step back from life. in fact, you're a hell of a lot stronger than most.