Monday, June 25, 2007

Kate

I read your blog, but don't usually comment. Today's entry intrigued me a little bit, though. I've often wondered if the world just ASSUMES that, when a person is diagnosed with cancer, s/he will do anything to fight it. I never hear much about people who think that fighting is not the best solution. A waste of time when time is a precious commodity? Tell us more.

I cannot shake the insistent belief that we offend God by seeking to outwit him, to go to such drastic measures to save what He gave, that is His to take.

I am a hypocrite for saying so. I am not so trusting of God's care for my son's health, his life. Perhaps my faith is simply not strong enough. My son's faith is much stronger, confidently assuring me last year, with the innate wisdom of a ten-year-old, that I didn't need to worry because God was taking care of him.

I believed him whole-heartedly. And sent him to the hospital for tests to further alleviate my fears.

We spend so much of our lives trying to outwit death. Yet when we are lying there, gasping our last breath, do you think our hearts will be flooded with admonitions of ourselves because we didn't do enough to save ourselves, or will it be so laden with regrets for all that was left undone because we were too busy working to pay the doctor, the health insurance, the medicine, the house payment, the car payment, the credit card bill?

It was dying, not my own of course, that cemented my faith in God. I do not fear death, having seen the glory that follows. I cannot grasp why we should fight it so vehemently, unless we accept that there is nothing to follow it and I can no longer even entertain that notion.

It seems as though the very search for understanding the way of God— the creation, termination and prolonging of life, would be considered a sin against God, as He provides us with all we need. How dare we not place our trust in Him?

Some will argue that He provided us with the knowledge to master His work, ever mindful that we are created in His image.

I often argue with myself, that when we defile our bodies with synthetics, God no longer bears the responsibility of healing what we have done. As I smoke another cigarette, whining that I'm having to deal with cancer.

We have created a world much different than that which He created for us, then have the audacity to rail against Him at the realization we are our own destroyers. Who are we to attempt to bend the will of God?

I believe there is something very telling about a society, which spends most of its collective energy, most of its living, in attempting to avoid the inevitable. A society staunchly refusing to hand over control.

Oh don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we should tempt death, only that we should not worry so much about when and where it will come.

At some point or another we are all faced with the question of what we would do if we knew we were dying. Well, we are all dying from the moment we're born. What difference does it make whether we know it or accept it, with or without a specific expiration date?

Of course, then again, maybe I just figure things would be a lot easier if I didn't have to worry about it.

Would my walking away from this world I have created for myself, towards a world in which I long to find myself before I die, constitute giving up? Would I have enough strength of character to turn my life completely over to God, walking away from the comforts I have created so that I might live by His will and His grace alone?

I'm not certain.

But I look to Him and those who have reached Him before me for guidance.

1 comment:

  1. You seem to have found great comfort in your faith, and that is admirable, but the argument isn't so black and white. No one can know God's will, therefore we can't know if we are trying to outwit him or not. Maybe he wants us to play the game, or perhaps it's all a test. Could be that he just wants to keep things interesting. Who knows?

    Certainly cancer presents quality of life issues that must be addressed when choosing a course of treatment. Sometimes it's really not worth the fight; neither financially nor physically. It's a hard thing to understand but sometimes the best personal choice is not to fight. Whatever the reason, there is a huge difference between "giving up" and choosing to die with dignity.

    Just my thoughts at the moment.

    All the best,

    David

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